5.5 months in, 30 weeks preggers

I'm ready to be unpregnant.

I know I shouldn't complain because I'm only 30 weeks and the road is just going to get steeper from here on out, but everyday I am bigger and everyday I realize how way in over my head I am. Common thoughts that rumble through my mind:

- What's with all of these new freckles? Are some of them cancer?
- What is just the left boob so sore? Shouldn't the right one be too?
- Will I ever sleep soundly again?
- Is my bellybutton turning into an outie? Of all things, please no.
- How do other women stay pregnant for 40 weeks?

On top of these first-timer questions, I am thoroughly psyching myself out for the month of June. I know I'm going to freak out - with excitement - about Phil coming home...June is a word that I love to say. But as I'm seeing what R&R looks like for guys coming home lately, none of them are home when they're supposed to be home...they're ALL 2+ days late. Super frustrating in and of itself. But THEN to be ready to pop at any second?? I can already envision the sleepless nights, trying to breathe deeply but getting sick to my stomach hoping that I don't go into labor.

How is this going to work? I'm getting myself ready to deliver all by myself, if necessary, so that I won't be disappointed if Phil's not there. But lets be serious...of course I'm going to be disappointed, crying my eyes out in between contractions, and hating Army for having such backwards flights and keeping my husband away from me (that's a long-standing grudge though).

I know God will work it out, but I still can't help obsessing over it, creating back up plans for back up plans. How can so much joy be surrounded by so much stress? What if my husband misses the birth of our first baby? Am I strong enough to do it alone?

I don't know. And I'm spazzing out just writing this post, so I'll move on to the joys of being pregnant.

Peeing 2-3 times per night...always peeing all day.
Baby having hiccups which feel like a steady drumbeat in your gut...while you're trying to sleep.
Heartburn 3 bites into a meal.
Squished stomach that only allows 3 bites per meal.
Making sound effects when you bend over, get out of a chair, lean down, or roll over in bed.
Learning how to heave yourself off couches and other absorbent materials.
Thinking a t-shirt still fits, putting it on, and having it actually cause you pain.
Needing to catch your breath after tying your shoelaces.
Forgetting you're pregnant and scaring yourself when you look in the mirror.

I'm exhausted, pre-freaking out about June, having a love/hate relationship with pregnancy, and need to pee, yet again. I wish I could Rip Van Winkle it until week 40...